The Sense of an Ending by Julian Barnes

The Sense of an Ending seems, in many ways, to be mainly a thoughtful essay about aging and the passing of time and what it does to our memories. Not so much that we forget as that we mis-remember, painting a picture of our lives that others will think well of, even managing to lie to ourselves. The protagonist of the novel says, "How often do we tell our own life story? How often do we adjust, embellish, make sly cuts? And the longer life goes on, the fewer are those around to challenge our account, to remind us that our life is not our life, merely the story we have told about our life. Told to others, but--mainly--to ourselves."

The plot of the novel is the supporting evidence for Barnes's musings. A divorced and retired Englishman, who has led a quiet and somewhat complacent life, receives a strange bequest from the estate of the mother of a girl he once courted while at university. Included in the bequest is the diary of a friend of his youth, who had begun a relationship with the former girlfriend after she and the protagonist parted. The friend subsequently committed suicide, according to his parting note for philosophical reasons. The mystery begins. Why did the mother own the diary? According to the lawyer administering the estate, the old girlfriend currently has it and is not ready to give it up. Why not?

The protagonist first writes of the memories of his youth, about his friend and his girlfriend and of their relationships. Then, in the second part of the novel, he begins a renewed contact with the girl (now a 60s-something woman), first to resolve the mystery and gain possession of the diary, but later, perhaps, hoping for a re-connection.

Throughout, the protagonist is shown to be unreliable, as he even repeatedly tells us. We suspect, and sometimes even find out for sure, that he has repainted his past to himself.

The surprise solution to the mystery, when it is revealed to the protagonist, at first seems to answer all the questions. But then....we remember many clues that are not at all explained. Perhaps the solution is not the right one. Perhaps time and the false memories of those involved have obscured what really happened.

This is a book which takes some thinking about afterwards. It will be better understood by older people, I think. It won England's Booker Prize in 2011. I'll bet the judges were all over 50. It's a bit depressing. As an example, here's a quote:

"Sometimes I think the purpose of life is to reconcile us to its eventual loss by wearing us down, by proving, however long it takes, that life isn't all it's cracked up to be."

Still, highly recommended.